smoking

I started smoking when I was 15, so in February 2012, it will be 22 years I have been addicted to cigarettes. I have smoked longer than I have worked and longer than I have driven and longer than I have had children. It's a life long habit and one that will eventually put me in my grave from lung cancer or emphysema. I will suffocate to death like my father did. I will be laying in my death bed asking, no! begging my adult child to take me outside for a smoke.

I cannot say why I started. Maybe it was because everyone else at that party was smoking? Maybe because it was so super easy to buy them back then. Most stores didn't care about selling to kids and there were cigarette machines in restaurants. The diner had one right in front of their inside entrance as did the Chinese restaurant. They don't now.

I have quit a total of twice in my life, this year in fact. The main reasons: I cough my ass off, actively wheeze and get short of breath while doing active things. I have noticed the last 5 years especially that my body has taken a hard ass hit from the habit. I am developing emphysema. I have high blood pressure and I am on meds for it. When I get sick, I stay sick longer or it will settle into my chest longer and is harder to get rid of.

I do know that looking at pics such as the new ad campaign that is in the works for next year won't work with me. I have watched a LOT of people die in my profession from cancer, lung disease, emphysema. I have watched my family die from the effects related to smoking.

Those pics are no biggie. There is a guy that goes to Wawa that has a tracheostomy (google it) and he buys cigarettes. The only thing that can make a smoker quit is him wanting to quit. Preventing someone from starting altogether is another story.

Would I want my child to start smoking? No.
If he or she started smoking would I get mad? Yes.
Would I stop him/her? No.
I don't have the power once someone starts to make someone stop, including myself. Yet...

SOM 8/16/11