I don't think the problem is me. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about. Clear conscience in terms of love is a great thing. Fidelity-check. Honesty-check. I have no reason to trust, but I can be trusted to do what is needed of me when it's needed of me.
Do I run around? Do I drink? Do I drug? Do I stay out all hours of the day and night? Do I fuck half the township and then come home and call myself a great girlfriend and mother?
To be a mirror image of the person I love and hate would require a sense of evil. A total lack of self regard and a dose of self abuse even I am incapable of.
I'd have to lower my self esteem or obliterate it entirely.
I always get to this point where I hate more than I love.
I mourn our deadlihood. I detest the place we've arrived, it's a destination we frequent. It's called the End. Each time we reach the End, I always hope we stay there. Over. Done. Caput.
You are like a drug. My crack. My heroin. My drink. And each time I use I fall deeper and deeper into hate and only want to use you more.
I really need to stop that.
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