There are always options

Take two steps forward and one step back. Seriously. Just when I think I wriggle out of the financial stranglehold, it catches me and squeezes tighter. Like yesterday I had the mustang inspected. 800 plus dollars for tires x2, an oil change, an air filter, brakes, and inspection. Dear Lord, I had to dip into my bank account. Not fun. Tomorrow bills are due for car insurance, car payment, and credit card. There goes my paycheck in its entirety. I need to hit the lottery.

 

Anyway, I have decided to sell the minivan. It's an idea I have tossed around in my head for about the last 6 months. I don't use it. It's paid for. I can't afford two cars, two insurances, 2 registrations and any little things that need fixing. It doesn't necessarily drain me of money and it's not a nickel and dime me type of car, but I just don't have a need for it anymore. I have a friend at work whose husband buys and sells cars for a living. I don't want them to buy the van, I asked though if he could just sell it for me. And they agreed to do it without hesitation. A couple things need to be fixed before I can sell it, and that's fine. I had a thought, a simple one, to lean on my friends. It's not like I am a needy bitch always asking for stuff. Right?
I always have trouble asking people for help of any kind. From something small like help with paperwork at work to something big like selling a car. I am the kind of person that takes on whatever project or idea all on my own and I don't like to depend on others in any way, shape, or form. It's definitely one of my personality flaws. It's also one of my strengths. Whatever achievement or disaster I create, I can be the only one who claims the fame or shame of it. My life's a double edged sword.

 

Now that the antidepressant/antianxiety med is fully in my little system it's time to face the side effects, which I believe to be somnulance. Insomnia asleep should be my new screen name because I swear it makes me knock out cold. I am going to have to take that at night. It calms me down alright, down into a bed under a blanket and mixed with alcohol, I can't stay awake. Or maybe I am wrong? I don't remember sleeping like this last time I took it. Since I have started it, a couple weeks ago now, I am able to focus on what's wrong in my life and make some sensible choices to solve those problems. It's little things to big things and before I wasn't thinking clearly enough to make dinner let alone look around see the shit, come up with a plan to fix the shit, and execute the plan.

 

And sometimes I think mother nature, God (yes, that's from the atheist), the eye in the sky aka my guardian angel, karma, who or whatever it is that balances things has me in mind.

My main problem was who's going to cut the grass? Simple, and I figured I would figure out the lawn mower (God forbid) and do it my damn self. Then this guy, and I don't even know his name, knocks on my door. He stood there looking all hopeful at my front lawn and says, "Want me to cut that grass?" Well, yes I certainly do! 10$ every Tuesday and my lawn will be cut. Next week I will find out his name, because it didn't dawn on me to do so. He's kinda cute too, but I think he's a kid with a cart that contains a lawn mower and a weed wacker.

My main problem #2...the junk. The Rican was a junk hoarder. He filled up my side yard, playhouse, part of the basement and part of the closed in front porch with all his second hand treasures. I got a pamphlet/flyer stuck in my front door for a company that hauls away junk. I saved that flyer. When the van is sold, all that junk will be hauled away. El Mexicano is going to scrap all the Rican's treasures. Yup:)

I need to take my house and make it my own. Whenever I have shit on my mind, something bothering me, I always start rearranging the furniture, rooms of the house, etc...So the kids are  driving me nuts and the downstairs looks like a toy store. It's time to do away with things they don't use and move them to their rooms. I can be left alone and they can do whatever kids do in their rooms. I am up to my eye balls in modern warfare, the trash talking and the sound of bullets flying. That has to go. I am up to my eyeballs in craft stuff, crayons, girl stuff that needs to go upstairs. I can make this house mine, not theirs. All these years I spent making the place comfortable for other people. It needs to be comfortable for me. After all is said and done, I am the one who pays for it.

 

Who's paying for all the ideas floating around in my head? Me. We will take one less trip this summer or make our getaways shorter. All this stuff I'd usually hand over and donate to Goodwill, I will sell on craigslist. There has to be a market for used polly pockets, little pet shops and barbies. I realize that I have an artistic girl, not a barbie girl.  In the long run, we'll all be happier.

And I plan on pulling up and laying down new carpet. How hard could that be, right? I may have to google it.

So that's that so far. There are a million other little things that need tweaking around here. It's a start.

 

Jill

4/26/12