Parents are NOT supposed to be more annoying than their children.

A lot of life happens when you are sitting and minding your own damn business. My girlfriend's best stories always started with the sentence, "So there I was, minding my own business..."

So there I was on Sunday afternoon, minding my own business pool side. I was in the splash zone in a seat, reading Jay Z's book, Decoded.  I have been trying to muddle through for a couple weeks in between Facebookin' and sleep. He's a talented rapper, but not a great story teller. If you like reading about crack dealers who make good, then this would be the book for you. It's actually a good, long, boring book about crack rocks, the mean streets of the Marcy projects, and the rap game. But it's also about a man struggling through life searching for better, searching for purpose, searching for respect, searching for success. It's a good story in that it's what we all want, to be respected for what we do well and to be understood clearly.

Pool side...Fathers see the world differently from mothers. Most times I think they are big kids themselves. Then I encountered 2 dad bastards who were big kids themselves. 


Dad#1: At the pool with his 3 kids, a teen daughter and his 2 boys who were maybe 4 and 6. I listened to him call the boys Mordecai and Rigby for at least 2 hours. If y'all don't know who M and R are, then you obviously don't have children that watch The Regular Show. I have only observed this show from across the room over top of my lap top. I hate this show,  but I am no fan of anything Cartoon Network, Disney, Nickelodeon related. Disney being the worst of all the kids' channels. All these kids wanted to do was play in the pool and dad kept interfering in that with his M and R talk. Then he started making noises. Dad sounded like a variety of horns, honking here and there. He was lamely trying to get their attention as they splashed and played and jumped into the water.
The horn honking got on my nerves, but Jay Z and I blocked this out. He wasn't too loud and obnoxious with it. I'm used to blocking out BS noise, random weird body sounds. I am a mom, I am a nurse. I only pick up on distress signals-cries and moans and the like.

Dad #2 and his entire troop off offspring arrived about 20 minutes before we were slated to leave the pool. Dad #2 signaled our exit, immediate exit, to the left. Fat bastard had about 6 fine children and a cutsie little wife, who is probably at home at this very moment blogging about their family weekend of sight seeing with her beloved husband and perfect little blond haired children. In fact, she's probably blogging about the red haired bitch that told her that parents are not supposed to be more annoying than their children. -gasp-bitch!



Dad#2 brought the real horns. If you have children, you have probably purchased this little gem at the dollar store and then swiftly made it disappear when the kids went to bed. I did. They are a huge parent mistake, because, well, it's an annoyingly LOUD horn. This was made super famous on the Jersey Shore. It's also known as the Grenade Horn or the Grenade Whistle. You don't have to like the Jersey Shore to watch the 16 second video that illustrates how loud this can be...outside...in Seaside Heights, NJ. Now imagine this noise inside an enclosed environment...that has an ECHO! like an indoor pool room.
Dad bastard brought this little doohickey with a big noise into the pool. The pool where I sat in the splash zone with Jay Z. "Is this guy on crack, Jay Z? Where is your glock, Jay Z, cause I'm gonna need it." I asked. But Jay Z didn't answer.
"Are you serious?" I said out loud.
"Look at this,guys. It's science." Dad bastard #2 says to his troop of blond haired children with his cutsie wife after he sounds that horn in the pool.
"That's not science. That's annoying." I said. "Annoying science. Are you serious?"
"What?" Wifey....mutters.
"Parents are NOT supposed to be more annoying than their children. That is a fact."
I started gathering up our stuff, "Girls, out! Now. I'm not listening to that for 5 minutes."
We had to get ready for dinner and our ghost tour. The tix we had bought earlier that afternoon. That is another spooky up coming post.

***

Now please don't get me wrong. No one can appreciate an involved father more than me. I had an involved father, a loving father, a giving father. My daughter has a father that loves and takes care of her. He's involved and hands on. I can appreciate that cabron for that if for nothing else. My niece's dad is involved and hands on. Fathers see the world differently from mothers. Most times I think they are big kids themselves. Then I encountered 2 dad bastards who were big kids themselves.  I was away with my kiddos for a few days and saw some wonderful interactions between dads and their kids. Playful and fun and fun loving. None of them annoying like the 2 dad bastards.

Jill

2/21/12