Get Your Challenge On!

10 day challenge to self awareness/discovery...Click Here

I surmise that this will take longer than 10 days. Last night at work me and the girls were on Oprah’s website and we took a few quizzes. Oprah is always trying to make you feel better about yourself and learn about yourself so that you can live the fullest and most enriching life possible.

Here we do the best with what we have to work with. I could say that O has the credit line of the Gods and can afford to have a legion of professional people to assist her in self discovery and uncovering her true self. Is that really fair to O? No.I don’t believe so. We all deserve to live the best life possible. We all cannot be Oprah and have the tools that Oprah has at her fingertips. Hell, some of us only have a desktop and cannot figure out the laptop that’s sitting on the shelf in the living room. Hell, some of us can only afford a dollar store notebook. What does one need to self explore? Willingness. A pen. A notebook. Willingness and a word pad on the desk top? Willingness and a blog type outlet.

I read only half the book about Co-dependency. I got stuck half way thru it cause of detachment issues. I did learn to start putting myself first. I did learn to stop caretaking and start taking care of myself, my needs, and address my emotions. Emotions. Did I even have any that were worth recognizing? As I devote myself to taking care of others at home and at work and do such a lovely job who is responsible for taking care of the caretaker? No one other than the caretaker herself. I care and care and care for others and I get left in the dust when it comes to me and my needs on an emotional level. Me and my physical needs.

I believe that the soul, mine at least, is similar to a plant that needs watering. No one watered it and it died. It dried out, turned brown and the soil is void of nutrients to nourish it. So, I started minding my own business. I let people take care of themselves and let them find their own way. I released my sense of responsibility for others wants and needs, started saying “no”. It was difficult and had to catch myself from minding others’ business and directing others’ lives. The only life that needs directing is my very own.

Children need to be guided and taken care of. I have not left my offspring in the dust, fending for themselves. They are too little for that. Even though they can manage their own light meals (sandwiches, pop tarts and the like) they still need to be watched like hawks. Only now I am not a hawk riding on their back with my claws dug in, rather I fly around above looking down and watching over. I don’t hover and smother. Really, how are we as mothers supposed to nourish their little souls when ours our void, empty and lacking the very nourishment theirs need?

So I start this 10 day journey to learn about myself. I am not saying it’s going to hold the key that will unlock all life’s mysteries, but maybe will peel off a layer of life’s crud and build up.

SOM Monday, 4/25/11