L=lexapro

I thought I would get a jumpstart on tomorrow's punk ass letter of the day.
It's been a harrowing couple of weeks here. To say the least.
I feel like I am falling apart. Nothing is getting done. No part of my life is technically together.
I am all over the map here. More so than usual. So, being a horribly hormonal bitch and one who is slowly losing her mind, what do I do? Cry.

Cry cry cry and cry some more. Do I ever cry? No. I cry a couple times a year. It's like I shed all the bullshit I let build up over the course of 6 months. It builds and builds and I burst. I burst like a broken dam. It's all boo-hoo'ing like a weak bitch and then I rebuild my altered ego and start anew. It amazes me how that crying thing works. It cleanses a dirty soul or a guilty conscience.

So there have been a few things I have been tossing around in my jaded head. Stupid and dumb things and really low things even for me. It was like I lost all sense of reality. Getting all fucking weepy and whiny and losing control of my tongue. It has its benefits. 1. It gets out what I have been holding in for a really long time and 2. Opens my eyes to something I was overlooking or hadn't seen before. That outpouring of myself just gives me a head ache, but it also lets me see things clearly.

Before I totally go off the motherfreaking deep end, where you all shall see me on the news or before I do some really stupid shit and wrecking things for animosity sake, I resumed my lexapro. I was on Lexapro once before and saved it in the medicine cabinet for all these months. I am going crazy and I need to level out before it turns out badly. I already sense that I don't want to get out of bed. I already sense that I want to ball up and sign out of life for awhile, not permanently. I don't ever consider hurting myself. It's others that are at risk. I am starting to flip out on strangers again. I am starting to be a bitch. A miserable, all over the map person. I am hoping to prevent the physical side of me from balling up my little fist and hurting someone. All over some shit that is long over, but in my head is still very real.

I will crawl out of this dirty hole I have dug for myself. It'll take me a minute, but I will get there.

Jill
4/12/12