A= Acceptance

4/1/12 backdating this shit...
I have accepted the fact that in order to be me and live the life I choose to live in peace and drama free, that I need to live without you.
Fuck it. It's ok that I think about you 24/7. It's ok that every road I take leads to memories of you, memories that we shared and created.
It's ok that I'm alone. There's a difference between lonely and alone. Lonely means I'm sitting here pining for you, incomplete and inadequate in your absence.
Fuck that. Alone means room to grow. Alone means available to other things than you. Alone means I work around the bullshit we made and either clean it up or tip toe around the piles.
Fuck it. Maybe IDK what I want yet. Maybe after these months I'm still undecided, but I doubt it.
A= Acceptance that I'm not perfect. The part I played in our past isn't innocent. It fed the demons of negativity. I'm a classic enabler. Fuck it. Truth...like seventh generation. I'm better off alone, not tampered with. Gives me time to think.
Jill