Skimming the Surface

Being True To yourself Day5
Day #5 of the challenge. I call this one "Skimming the Surface"----I have been sitting on Day 5 for about 5 days and O's 10 day challenge, due to my laziness, has turned into more like a 10 week challenge. My partner in this challenge, April, well let's just say I lost her around day 3. And I passed the Oprah quiz, not by flying colors, but I passed. She failed and I said we'll do this challenge together. It's good to learn about yourself right? I am beginning to think there is not much to learn here. I skimmed the surface and I believe that there may be no depth to this crazy weirdo bitch that is me. I skim and skim and what I find is strange. Just keep skimming I guess...
Day 5 on the road to self acceptance and a better life is all about how I stop projecting this image of myself so that the people in my life will like me. I took a look around and there's not a lot of people sitting here. There are not a lot of people in my life cause I don't like people. I am not a people person! I don't believe I do anything to make people like me more. I don't do anything to make people dislike me either. I am just here. I dress the way I like. I listen to the music I like. I read the books I'd like to read.
I would like to say I am not influenced by other people. But aren't our experiences with other people what make us the people we are today? I am not my past but my past is me. It's the lessons we learn from our experiences that mold us into the people we are. If I worried about what others thought of me, would I really wear my pajamas to the store every morning to get coffee? I wear pj's to take the kids to school too. Sometimes I gotta get out of the car and I stand there in my pj's with my cell and wait for the kid to go into the classroom. Sometimes I sleep in sweats so I don't have to get dressed at all in the morning. How fucked up is that?
I learned a long time ago that if people like me they will like me in pj's as much as they would like me in a 100$ outfit. I have no fashion sense and I don't want one. I am comfortable in a sweat suit. Now that it's warm I am comfy in capri's and a tee and that's that. I do what I want to make me happy. I am the only person I have to please in this life and if I am not pleased then I need to find a way to please myself.
I am special and unique and beautiful. That's what the point to day 5 of the challenge, but know what? I am not any more special than anyone else. What is it about this day and age where everyone and their kid is 'special'? I say bullshit. Special people are a diamond in the rough. I am the average Jill in a computer chair. Special? Was Osama special or did his mom and dad not make him feel special? Was Hitler special? How about Manson? Is Oprah special? Obama? Lumping all people into a group and calling them special is ludicrous. The 9 year old on you tube doing college level advanced calculus...now that kid is special. Unique. He's got a special future because of his unique mind. My kids are special to me, but to the rest of society they aren't. Your kids are super special and unique to you and whoever you made them with, but to me they're probably annoying at the Walmart.
Beautiful. Have you seen the people on the East Coast? I see a handful of them every morning getting coffee and a handful of them every afternoon picking up their rug rats from school. The fat dude cashier is just not beautiful and neither is skunk lady that I have looked at for 5 years who picks up all her little special children from grades 1-5. Skunk is beautiful to her husband cause he knocks her up annually, but to me she's simply skunk lady because of that splash of Jay Leno gray hair that she just doesn't dye out of her brown hair. She resembles a skunk.
Y'all go on with your lives now. I'm gonna keep skimming the surface for more meaning.
SOM 5/12/11